Want To Take A Quick Break From The Pressures Of Real Estate?
Why Not Take A Few Minutes To Have Some Fun.
Here Is Some Real Estate Humor To Hopefully Brighten Your Day.

Congratulations On Your New Home
A Client Bought A New Home And The Broker Wanted To Send Flowers For The Occasion. They Arrived At The Home And The Owner Read The Card; It Said "Rest In Peace". The Owner Was Angry And Called The Florist To Complain. After He Had Told The Florist Of The Obvious Mistake And How Angry He Was, The Florist Said. "Sir, I'm Really Sorry For The Mistake, But Rather Than Getting Angry You Should Imagine This: Somewhere There Is A Funeral Taking Place Today, And They Have Flowers With A Note Saying, "Congratulations On Your New Home".

Was It Something We Said?
When The Last Of Their Three Children Was About To Leave Home, My Parents Decided To Buy A Smaller House. The Real-Estate Sign Went Up. A Week Later, A Second "For Sale" Sign Appeared Two Doors Away. "Soon You'll Have New Families On Either Side Of You," My Mother Remarked To The Neighbor Who’s House Was In The Middle. "We're Thinking Of Putting Up Our Own Sign," She Replied Wistfully. "It Would Read: 'Was It Something We Said?' "

Underwater Real Estate
A Real Estate Salesman Had Just Closed His First Deal; Only To Discover That The Piece Of Land He Had Sold Was Completely Under Water. "That Customer's Going To Come Back Here Pretty Mad," He Said To His Boss. "Should I Give Him His Money Back?" "Money Back?" Roared The Boss. "What Kind Of Salesman Are You? Get Out There And Sell Him A Houseboat."

Old Agent
My Friend Marilyn, A Real-Estate Agent, Had Difficulty Getting A Listing From A Customer Whose Theory Was That "There Is No Substitute For Experience." After He Asked Her A Third Time How Many Years She Had Been In The Business, She Told Him: "Sir, There Is A Little-Known Historical Fact That Moses Brought Three Tablets Down From The Mountain-Two Were The Ten Commandments And The Other Was My Real-Estate License!" She Got The Listing.

House Cleaner
The Dance We Were Going To Was Formal. Elegantly Dressed, I Headed Downstairs, Picking Up In Passing A Wastebasket That Needed To Be Emptied And A Mop That Had To Be Put Away. The Doorbell Rang. I Answered It, Still Clutching Mop And Wastebasket. The Young Man Gave Me A Startled Look. "My Wife And I Were Interested In Buying A Home In This Neighborhood," He Began, "But If This Is The Way Everyone Dresses To Clean House, I'm Not Sure We Want To Live Here."

Now ... Something Sweet ...

What is Home?

A Roof To Keep Out The Rain. Four Walls To Keep Out The Wind. Floors To Keep Out The Cold. Yes, But Home Is More Than That. It Is The Laugh Of A Baby, The Song Of A Mother, The Strength Of A Father. Warmth Of Living Hearts, Light From Happy Eyes, Kindness, Loyalty, Comradeship. Home Is First School And First Church For Young Ones, Where They Learn What Is Right, What Is Good And What Is Kind. Where They Go For Comfort When They Are Hurt Or Sick. Where Joy Is Shared And Sorrow Eased. Where Fathers And Mothers Are Respected And Loved. Where Children Are Wanted. Where The Simplest Food Is Good Enough For Kings Because It Is Earned. Where Money Is Not So Important As Loving-Kindness.Where Even The Teakettle Sings From Happiness. That Is Home. God Bless It.
By: Ernestine Schumann-Heink